Time...alot has passed by....

Well it has been some years since my last post, this is what happens when you are too sick and overwhelmed to write a post...the mind turns to what I affectionately call "Migraine Mush Brain". My life has continued on it's journey and my best friend Migraine Disease has never left my side for very long. Currently averaging 4-5 days per week, still no preventative found that either works or my body will tolerate but thankfully Imitrex continues to work quite well on knocking down the pain levels. I struggle daily with all the other components of a migraine episode. It is seldom I get a "normal" day and this being my 30th year of diagnosed migraines, being 66 years old, I have come to accept each hour/day as it presents itself. I still HOPE and SEARCH for an improved quality of life but for now focus on living in the moment. May my next post be sooner than this one has been!

Almost November 2009

Reading my prev.posts, I realized I write here mostly for my self.
Sept. was a nightmare month, going into what seemed like a non-stop pattern of migraines. The new Neurog.,who tried neurontin,which I got very sick on. I missed an appt. and am finally trying to see him next week if the monster co-operates. Anxiety is well on it's way to getting out of hand so will consult on what to do about that. I struggle with heightened sensitivity to just about any imput-noise, light, movement,motion etc. The migraines are ever present it seems. Botox is being pushed by the new neurog., but I suspect it more a revenue push for him as I would have to pay out of pocket, etc. and treatment is not approved for migr. and statistics for success are dismal. On a positive note, I guess, I got an appt. for hearing in Tampa for Dec. for disablity. I really pray and wish I would get healthy and not have to go down this road. I hate being disabled-I probably will need to get some couseling to deal with accepting how bad things have become. I do hold out hope to get back a more self-productive life, but for now musst learn to accept where I am at.

The Blur of July Leads into August 2009

Here we are into the first week of August. Next week I see my neurologist-don't expect much but one never knows! Only 14 days of Migraines in July-actually went 7 days without one-I was so sick with acute bronchititis I think the monster was afraid to show himself.(Note I made the monster a male-hum!) If you throw in the prodrome day and the postdrome day that gives me 42 days sick out of 31 days in July- a bit of overlapping migraines you think! No wonder it has been a blur! On to August and faith that things will improve so I shall get a life back! Time will tell.

Daily Grind of a Migrainer

Each day I open my eyes-peeking sometimes-praying the monster is sleeping!

Somedays I am thrilled for he never wakes up-those days are few!

Somedays he waits to visit me during the course of the day or night

And somedays he awakes with me-such a

Loyal Friend!

UGH! PUKE! UGH!

Summertime and it is HOT HOT HOT

June is here and for Fl. that is Summer-made it through the rainy season-almost daily migraines-the usual. Did get the branded Imitrex and it works as it always did-within 15min. some degree of headpain relief. Can I do a dance or run around the block-no way-it is more like a veg-state but better than hugging the bowl. Still waiting on Disab.-see neuro next month-no change-same old same old-day to day,hour to hour-min. to min. when will the monster strike! Try to not focus on it but it is hard when it is my reality. Actually managed just over an hour shopping the other day but I did pay later in the day.

Almost April-my battle continues.

Well, migraine disease has thrown in another weird challenge for me: HIVES!! Started end of January and after 5 Dr. visits they went away,or I should say are hiding as of last week. It seems they get reeved up with consecutive days of migraine attacks. Just another dopey stupid symtom to deal with along with lately alot of muscle aches. If it gets worse I will consult Dr. but using acetemitphen for now. It is hard to separate what is just normal independent issues and what is connected to my nervous system damage from all the years of migraines.
I did get a disabled tag for the car-I really did not want one but with the Fl.heat I have trouble just getting into the store without popping a migraine or vertigo attack. This should help as last summer the few times I did manage to get out by myself I was often forced to return home sick before I would even get to pick up a few items.

JOY-where have you gone?

Tonight I had the pleasure of viewing our slides newly transfered to DVD. With tears running down my cheeks I sob at my early years of marriage and children-years long lost. Each picture captures memories long gone foggy and they are fun filled days of endless smiles and joy! My hair is - while dated, it's the current trendy style as is my dress. I was working and able to socialize!! The children are doted upon in each picture with outfits,toys, day trips etc. filled with happy carefree times. There are party pictures and family get togethers-there I am -smiling,having a blast.

Migraines took this joy from me when I turned 36. I am 63 now and I mourn for the joy and carefree unplanned inpulsive activities of the past. Now every activity has a back up plan,every activity usually end in some degree of migraine and I no longer can work. It sucks!!! I try each and everyday to grasp what joy I can eek out and endure the migraine episodes. What choice do I have! Joy I shall get you back, I do not know how but I will!!!! My grandchildren are being robbed of a joyful carefree grandma and I hate that and will do all I can to change this. I again do not know how and my neurologist has said my Migrgaines are now intractable so I will just have to pray for a road to follow to put joy in my self so I can give out the Love all those around me deserve.

COLD-COLD-now back to warm!

This is a week I do not wish to repeat-Fl.weather has bounced from our usual pleasant winter temps. to a few days of record lows and is now back to normal. AHH-my poor nervous system went into overload and trigger 5 days straight of migraine attacks. AVOID your triggers the Drs. recommend-gee-don't see how that is possible. Anyway am back on track and look forward to a week of fewer attacks.

What a Difference a Week Makes!

True to what the pro's say, the cold lasted 7 days! The irony is I had no migraines while I had the cold, but l day out and I get hit with a migraine this morning! Incredible-gee I can either pick constant cold and no migraines or migraines and no cold unless they sneak in!!! Life is full of irony.Had a fun day with 7month old Jack today-he is on a nebulizer-interesting piece of equipment and dispensing of medication for congestion. He was soooo good as he took 2 naps!

Head cold-GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!

It is not fair my mind rattles on and on-I am sick enough- so many days -loss to migraine-
Now I have a head cold. Not a big deal in the over all scope of life's challenges but to me it just represents more time loss to illness. So ,I take the over the counter cold remedy,daytime formula, and zonk-out I go-sleeping for the last two days. Perhaps the combinantion with the clonaspam make it more potent! Today I will tough it out-let my eyes burn and run, my head feel like it is at least 3 times it's size and filled with yuck,cough if I talk, ache all over and of course try some old time remedy-chicken soup and rest.

Meanwhile all around me I see tasks to start, and those to complete but must remind myself they are going nowhere. So I resign myself to the couch and endless viewing of Law and Order reruns between my dozzing off. Life is wonderful-so many small challenges thrown in with the bigger ones.

Starting the Year 2009

Well,the clock hadn't quite struck 12a.m. Jan 1,2009,when I got crushed by a vestibular migraine. Since it was still technically 2008 I hope to have left that type (vertigo etc. shakey "jakey") migraine behind. After a dose of meclazine and night of sleep I spent NY Day 2009 sleeping on and off most of the day. Poor Sal was left to a day of being off and me being sick! Wonderful-another guilt trip for me. Migraine disease is such a fun spoiler, causing so many life changing experiences.

Reviewed some old slides we sent to be put on dvd's. I cried as I saw how happy I was and all the fun things I was doing prior to the onset at 36years old of migraines. I was so different,life was so different,things were done on spur of the moment-no pre-planning-"What if I get sick back-up plan." Gosh I had forgotten those carefree days and the pictures were a smack in the face reality check for me-how much I have had to change to deal with Migraines.

MY BEST FRIEND-MY GREATEST ENEMY

List your friends the Disability form asked,
Well sadly, my only friend is also my worst enemy,
Migraine Disease!
We are 28 year friends who are loyal to each other,
But you were also enemy of mine right from the start,
We've shared days and nights too many to count,
I paniced and dreaded as the pain did mount,
The friend you are, you stuck with me as the meds tried to work,
My life stopped and I cried out at you for being such a jerk.
You have defined my being for you are so unpredictable,
Gleefully I soak up the time you are away yet always knowing
With vengence and little warning you will hang out with me again !
My FRIEND, you are loyal, I can always count on you, the best one could ask for-
Yet you are also my worst, life changing, dreaded ENEMY that I can not defeat,
My FRIEND, my ENEMY,one of the same,
MIGRAINE DISEASE!!